Tom was saying a prayer before he went to bed, "Please God, make London the capital of United States. Make London the capital of United States..."
His mother watched him, then anxiously asked, "Why do you want London to be the capital of United States?"
"Because," Tom said, "That's what I answered in my Geography exam!"
A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written
exam. Since he was the Chief's nephew, the examiner decided to go
easy on him with the oral test.
"Who shot Abraham Lincoln?", asked the examiner.
The candidate thought for a moment and then asked if he could have
sometime to come up with the answer. The examiner told him to come back
the next morning.
When he went home, his wife asked, "Well, how did it go? Did you get the job?"
"I think so," he replied. "They have already got me working on a case".
Judge: "The last time I saw you, I told you that I didn't want to see you here
Accused: "That is what I tried to tell these policemen, your Honour, but they
would not believe me."
A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale starting at 9 AM. An enormous queue had started to form by 7.30 AM.
Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walked to
the head of the queue. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was
at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man went to the head of the
Once more, he was shoved rudely to the back, this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women.
The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: "If that's your
attitude, I won't open the shop at all today!"
Chemistry Teacher: "Can you tell me the formula for water?"
Chemistry Teacher: "Where did you get an idea like that?"
Student: "You told us the other day it was H to O." (Water = H2O, sounds like H to O)
Teacher: "Jim, can you tell me which month is the shortest?"
Jim: "It's May, miss."
Teacher: "No, it isn't. The shortest month is February."
Jim: "No, miss, February has eight letters in it while May only has three!"